I blog when things go bump in the night

There are two possible reasons for this blog post. The first is that I believe what I'm about to say is so crucially relevant, it simply must be unleashed into the public domain. The second and most probable is that I'm home alone and trying to throw myself into any activity that takes my mind off the erratic footsteps and loud bangs I keep hearing. Right now I'm convinced an intruder/ghost is present and I'm near death. Best lock the door and pray I don't need to take a tinkle.


Tonight's subject matter: The main things that instantly turn me off a man.

Long fingernails. I believe there is an acceptable amount of growth. On the one hand I don't want a man to receive weekly manicures and I wouldn't insist on a nail biting habit but anything that could cause a painful scratch is just plain wrong. The biggest faux pas? One long nail on your little finger. Is that sexy to any woman? The mere thought makes me shudder. I recall serving one young man in the SU bar who sported such a look and I could barely hand him his change.

An un popped spot. It can happen to anyone, after all we can't all be on constant spot head alert but somehow I don't see this as a two way street. I'm allowed spots because I'm human but prospective dates become these obscure creatures with who I bestow ridiculously enormous expectations upon. Any "human" imperfection is a no no. Also, asking me to pick said spot will result in me being a little bit sick in my mouth.

A spiked hair do. For the same reason that men like women who to have the "I just got out of bed look", women too enjoy a messy, unkempt mane on a man. Any look that screams "I've spent two hours making sure each section of my hair is styled in an opposing angle and running your fingers through it is likely to have the same effect as stroking a wire brush" is not appealing. You are not in Blazin Squad or in a witness protection programme under the new identity of a hedgehog.

A Facebook faux pas. Firstly, an overabundance of statuses. One per day is the desired maximum but two is allowed in certain circumstances. Any description of yourself should be short witty and concise. Don't make it seem like your entire day was devoted to checking the grammar and spelling of your About Me section. Finally, the most crucial. The profile picture. Any posey shot, any taken by yourself on your camera phone in the quintessential MySpace pose, any taken in the mirror, any topless pictures and the most crucial, any professionally photographed pictures. Don't be a twat.


Finally, what do I think is the main thing that turns men off women? Probably writing angry, man hating blogs like this. Apologies for the rant, I only realised how disgruntled it sounded after reading it through. I'm normally so nice.