As I sit in my room three hours away from my first exam in four years, I have a horrible churning feeling in my stomach. I'm unsure whether this is nerves about my imminent failure or the fact that I've downed a can of Relentless in less then 5 minutes. I'm much more used to Red Bull. I knew I shouldn't have punched above my weight. So now Im wasting more revision time, jittering away and complaining about how I am near to failure.
But the truth is I've never done too badly in exams. I've always found myself to be a lazy sod throughout the rest of the year but come exam time I'm fuelled by fear of failure, motivated to do well and determined to open that results envelope and see a good grade beaming back at me. On the whole it's worked out that way. I seem to morph into hermit like state around exams, locking myself away in my room, nothing to keep me company except my flash cards and revision notes. Then on the day of the exam I emerge from my room, blinking at the bright sunlight like a mole just burrowing out of his hole, and walk into the exam feeling quietly confident.
This time, none of that happened. I didn't feel the fear, I didn't feel the motivation and I didn't feel determined. Jut because I spent 6 hour in my room, I seem to fool everyone into thinking I was intensely revising but in reality it was a 50/50 split between reading over notes and watching Come Dine With Me.
I am near failure, I wonder if they might be linient on me if I burst into tears and start ranting about how I'm just no good at anything. It worked in year 9 when I didn't want to climb up that rope. Rope burn doesn't bode well with me.
Right back to revision. Straight after a quick Facebook check. Don't get me started on Facebook, that could be a whole other post. Evil social networking temptress.
No comments:
Post a Comment