Just a quick rant..

I may become an asexual hermit. Men are strange creatures and whereas I know that women are an eternal mystery, men just baffle me and always will.

But the main thing that baffles me about men is my taste in them. I am really shallow when it comes to men. You can be a complete wanker with the humour of a courgette, yet if you wear skinny jeans and a trilby hat I'm easily tempted. Seriously, you can walk all over me, sleep with my best friend and poison my goldfish but if you walk with a slight swagger and rock a pair of insanely tight skinny jeans I will forgive all previous sins..

And it's not just me who seems drawn to hobo chic. Behind many beautiful celebrity women stands an unwashed figure decked out in a plaid shirt and pair of winkle pickers. Are they helping them with their bags? Hoping they can blag a free subway sandwich? No, they are adopting a smug smile because this trampish "I couldn't have showered less this week" look has won over the heart of another beautiful woman. Girls, why do we do this?!

Maybe it's judgemental to assume that all these men fall into the same poo smeared box personality wise. But when you've attempted countless times to open the box to these mens hearts only to be left with a broken heart (and poo smeared hands..you know, metaphorically) it's hard to see any other way.

Typical traits of the indie scenster tramp man:

- He eyes up your new Topshop jeans as his own.

- He cancels on your date/meeting the parents/ wedding day (assuming you get the indie scenster tramp man to propose..not likely) for an amazing gig that WILL propel his crappy pub band to nme's hot new artist status.

- He'd most likely dump you for the chance to hang off the arm of some Hoxton whore who swans around Bricklane with her pixie crop and hot mess of an outfit, waiting to be snapped by Facehunter.

- Tell him you saw his favourite new band (basically unheard of by anyone who doesn't live in East London) featured in Heat magazine's music section. Watch the hope drain from his pretentious face.

- He will never commit and will still be propping up the bar of Koko in his forties desperately hoping people will mistake him for Jamie Hince.


I must need help.